Milkshakes Anytime

Two evenings ago, my husband received a call from my step-daughter.? She has been dating her boyfriend for almost 3 years.? He is currently stationed stateside as a member of the military.? In October, he will be deploying to an overseas location.? As a result, they have decided they want to get married before he leaves.? So, our daughter will be getting married on September 1!? They are going to have a small ceremony now, and then have a more elaborate "wedding" upon his return.? I'm nervous that second wedding will never happen as once you are married and settled into your life, it is hard to think about using time, energy or resources on another ceremony.? They will be married in her fiance's parents backyard by a notary.? This is all really disappointing to me as I dreamed of a church wedding, with flowers and beautiful dresses, and her father walking her down the aisle.? As you know, my husband just had knee surgery, so walking is certainly going to be interesting to say the least.? Even more difficult, is the fact I really am not able to express my opinion on the matter.? A and her father were going through a very rough spout about a year ago, however, she and I were getting along very well.? I went to bat for my husband and called A out on some things.? I asked her to consider all her Dad has done for her, sacrifices he has made, etc.? She became angry with me for attempting to give her counsel, and of course, she and her father made up, and I have been a bit of the odd man out since then.? This is why I tell step-mamas to stay out of the relationships between their spouse and his children.? They will eventually mend fences, but the things you said will not be as easily forgiven since you are not the "real parent".? I should have taken my own advice in this circumstance.? Anyway..I digress....if things were as good as they had been in the past, I would just tell A how I felt and encourage her to add at least some spiritual aspect to her wedding, or think about how to make it a bit of a formal occasion.? Alas, however, I am not the "real" mom, and I have been told unequivocally not to offer my thoughts.? Ah, the catch 22 of being a step-parent.? You are expected to offer physical, emotional, spiritual, and financial support without question, or you are favoring your bio children.??? When a major life event such as marriage happens, however, you are treated like a guest and allowed no opinion.? You are told, "she has a mom, and this is their special day", or even less tactfully, "you just need to mind your own business".? Intellectually, I understand this is a day for A and her mom, however, when you have taken a child on vacations, to the doctor, to the hairstylist, to the dentist, sat through school meetings when Mom wasn't interested in attending, shopped for Homecoming Dresses, sent them off to school dances, paid for cell phones and car insurance, bought them a car, paid for their medical insurance..(this list could go on for days), but suddenly on the biggest day of their life, your input is not required.? It's a tough pill to swallow, friends, and something a prospective step-parent must consider before taking on this role.?? I am thankful I have a bio daughter to share this with one day.? I am really trying to keep that in mind.? On the other hand, I love A like my own child, and most of our marriage, she lived with us almost full time.? To feel I am basically an outsider is a bit devastating, honestly.? I am going to keep my mouth shut, use my blog as my place to sort out emotions, and try to just enjoy the day.? I really wish them the brightest of futures, and really appreciate your prayers for her fiance's protection as he heads overseas.? Also, please pray for my step-mama heart. I am hurt and resentful right now.? Just being real.? Thank you for lifting me up in prayer as well. ? Promise I will take lots of pictures of their ceremony to share.? Do any of my wonderful readers have ideas about to include a step-parent into your wedding planning without offending a bio parent?? I would love to hear great ideas or strategies other families have used when faced with how to include everyone.? My great friend was kind enough to take pictures of A and her fiance a couple of years ago.? Here is one of my favorites:
One more picture enjoying the lake at my parent's house.? They really are a lovely couple and I know they will enjoy marriage.

Last one, I promise.? This is my little Strawberry Shake and A's fiance.? As you can see, Strawberry think he is pretty great as well!

Smooches and Shakes,

MMS

Source: http://milkshakesanytime.blogspot.com/2012/08/two-evenings-ago-my-husband-received.html

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